Conclusive Proof of Global Warming

Behold! Kaboom has finally established irrefutable proof of Global Warmening.

A mere 50 year difference, during the most profligate era of carbon dioxide production.
I just love the taste of denialist tears ....... argue your propaganda around these data!

The Public Transport Myth

We are all entreated by our political masters to take public transport whenever we can, to help save our fragile planet.

However, no-one truly appreciates the carbon cost of public transportation.

In the city in which I live (well, on the fringe), one has a choice of exactly three methods of "public" transport - a bus, a train, or a taxi.

Two of these are mass transit, and the other (taxi) is a sheer indulgence for intoxicated fascist business people (baby killing freaks), so I will concentrate on the mass transit aspects, bus or train.

Now, as a self-employed basket-weaver living in the ex-burbs, I simply don't like travelling to the centre of the city. However, recently I had no choice, as I had to attend a hearing in the Social Security Tribunal re cessation (and repayment!) of my unemployment benefits.

Loath as I was to travel to the Big Smoke, I was forced to do so, and of course I took mass public transit, i.e. a bus.

When I got on, there was only ONE other person on board. I paid $4.60 for the trip, so of course I wanted a bit of company, so I sat beside the other passenger, and struck up a conversation.

Unfortunately, she was not much of a conversationalist, and apparently had to get out at the next stop, and I was left ALONE in this enormous yellow metal tube.

So, I started to fret about my carbon footprint as a result of my using mass transit. Here I was, 10:30 in the morning, the only passenger on this carbon-spewing behemoth. (To be fair, I picked a Gaia friendly bus, which was running on CNG (Compressed Natural Gas), which has a far less carbon footprint than diesel buses (of which I waved two on, and it was only because I was approaching the hour of my appearance before the Social Security Tribunal that I flagged down the next bus, which, Praise Gaia, was a CNG bus).

As I craved human company during my long journey, I attempted to strike up a conversation with the Captain of this behemoth, but as I could not speak Farsi, and he could not speak English or Green, the conversation was doomed to failure.

To cut a long story short, I ended up doing a bit of research, and discovered that the carbon footprint of each bus was simply enormous.

See this link for a myth-busting approval of CNG buses from the worthy warriors at Clean Cities.

However, the green-ness of a bus depends solely upon the NUMBER OF PASSENGERS!

When this enormous yellow behemoth was driving me around like the Princess of Wales (it was a Mercedes Benz, after all), I was the only one on board, and OF COURSE the carbon produced in order to transport my skinny body around was significant.

It is precisely the same shit with trains, but on a worse scale! These (eerily, also Caterpillar Yellow) monstrosities do not even attempt to run on anything as as Gaia-friendly as CNG (Compressed Natural Gas).

No, these puppies run on electrickery, produced by Gaia-raping coal-fired power stations. So, I thought to myself, what if I am the only passenger on a train???

Bugger me! I have heard that people don't want to use mass transit systems because of swarthy youths of Middle Eastern appearance setting fire to seats, harassing passengers, and occasionally sitting alone in an oversized trench-coat sweating furiously and mumbling prayers to Allah. What abject nonsense!

What we need to do is ensure that mass transit is fully utilised, otherwise like my lone journey into the Social Security Tribunal, it creates an enormous carbon footprint. We need to ensure that each mass transit unit (MTU) is filled to capacity, and the only way to effectively achieve this is to reduce the number of services.

I firmly hold the opinion that if we reduced the number of MTU's, each remaining MTU would be far more greenhouse efficient, with increased capacity. It would be cheaper for public transit authorities, who could spend lefrt-over funds on decorative woven baskets or somesuch.

This is a radical viewpoint, but came about just thinking about under-utilisation of mass transit facilities. Maybe I can ferment a political movement on this basis, as my comrades of the left, and indeed the Greens, seem hell-bent upon INCREASING mass transit, at a time we should be DECREASING its availability!

Tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanoes - linked to Global Warming!

What a disaster for the deniers!

The Guardian has published a peer-reviewed scientific consensus article, which proves that unrestrained fossil-fuel combustion is not only going to turn the Earth into a fiery Hell, but subject those who might survive to the very worst of so-called "natural" disasters, like earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes and the suchlike.

This is the first time that a positive link has been established between such horrible disasters, and Global Warming.

Money quote, from Professors Bill McGuire and David "Gomer" Pyle:

"Not only are the oceans and atmosphere conspiring against us, bringing baking temperatures, more powerful storms and floods, but the crust beneath our feet seems likely to join in too," said Professor Bill McGuire, director of the Benfield Hazard Research Centre, at University College London (UCL).

Professor McGuire, the best-selling author of "Seven Years to Save the Word", first published 1991, is a leading scientific thinker:

In ‘Seven Years to Save the Planet: The Questions … and Answers’ (Weidenfeld & Nicolson), Professor McGuire asserts that for the first time in the history of the Earth one species has grown so numerous and so technologically powerful that it has the ability to destabilize the narrow range of temperature within which life can flourish: “Ours is the guilty generation, but we will only just begin to feel the consequences of our actions; it is our children and grandchildren who will reap the whirlwind.”

Professor McGuire, a leading scientist at the cutting edge of natural hazard prediction and the impacts of climate change, reveals the reasons why humanity cannot afford to wait, among them:

• slashing greenhouse gas emissions by 90 percent by mid-century may still not stave off climate chaos


• carbon dioxide levels are rising four times faster than in the 1990s


• warmer oceans have already driven up Atlantic hurricane activity by 40% since the mid-1990s


• the annual number of major floods has shot up from around 100 in the early 1990s to nearer 250 in recent years


• the United Nations identifies 158 flashpoints where wars could be fought over increasingly precious water resources


• even a 1m sea-level rise will threaten the homes of a billion people and put one third of the world’s farmland at risk


• by 2050, a quarter of the world’s land animals and plants could be extinct.
  

Professor McGuire says: “This book is a call to arms. We have time still to halt and reverse the process. However we need to throw our engines into reverse now to have any chance of controlling our carbon emissions and winning the battle against dangerous climate change and potential environmental catastrophe.”

"Maybe the Earth is trying to tell us something," added McGuire, who is one of the organisers of UCL's Climate Forcing of Geological Hazards conference, which will open on 15 September. Some of the key evidence to be presented at the conference will come from studies of past volcanic activity.

These indicate that when ice sheets disappear the number of eruptions increases, said Professor David "Gomer" Pyle, of Oxford University's earth sciences department.

The Earth is indeed trying to tell us something.

Reducing a Carbon Footprint

This week we the World became aware of the sad death of the "Lion of Liberalism", Senator Ted Kennedy.

We are now all saying to each other: "Do you remember where you were when you heard that Kennedy died?"

Whilst we are all grieving, let us not forget Mary Jo Kopechne, who gave up her Carbon Footprint well before it became fashionable, as a 28 year old in 1969.

Had Mary Jo not gifted the world with her martyrdom, and she was still alive 40 years later, she would have exhaled half a kilogram of CO2 per day, every day, a total of 7.3 extra tonnes of CO2.

That is just BREATHING. Let's look at BREEDING, shall we?

Mary Jo, as a rambunctious 28 year old, would no doubt have soon married money (given the circles she moved in), and you would expect that she would have sealed the deal by producing progeny quicker than the Princess of Wales. Plus, she had an absolutely shithouse surname, which brings up all sorts of potential Polack jokes/comments.

Not the same if your surname was "Spencer", or something similar.

No, Mary Jo would have been spitting them out like Guinea-Pigs. From a purely prosiac Catholic perspective (it was the 1960's, after all..) you would have expected her to proginate four or five little Kenn... ahh, sorry, four or five little Kiddies,, in very short order.

So, Mary Jo's sacrifice, in removing herself from the gene-pool permanently, meant that four or five little kiddies weren't exhaling CO2 for the last 40 years. Let's round the savings to 30 tonnes of CO2.

Don't forget, that's just exhalation of breath - we haven't even started on lifestyle carbon footprints!

Ah! The lifestyle! It would have been Camelot, had Mary Jo not ended up as the Lady in the Lake.

Without delving into the sordid carbon detail of the Lifestyles of the Rich and Disgusting, you would certainly have expected the last 40 years to have brought:

1. Above average use of aircraft (although propellor driven aircraft would have been a no-no);

2. Above average use of automobiles, especially the SUV death machine style - indeed, the strength and structural rigidity of the Oldsmobile Delta 88 would have been the precursor of automobile choice;

3. Larger than average homes, in Florida, Hyannis Port, Chappaquiddick, the former Soviet Union, California, Washington, Jamaica and Brazil would have a multiplication effect;

4. Modelling tells us that Mary Jo and each of her 4 children would produce in excess of 45 tonnes of CO2, each, per annum, for the last 40 years, a total of 45x5x40 or 9,000 tonnes of CO2.

Mary Jo, we thank you for your sacrifice. As did the Teddster:

African nations selling themselves short!

African nations (well, 10 of them) have banded together for the Coopenhagen conference later this year, which selects a fresh AGW protocol as a replacement for the toothless Kyoto Protocol.

These brave African nations are, however, selling themselves grossly short, by only demanding $67 billion (AUD?) dollars per year as climate reaparations from the polluters of the West. See:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/25/2666498.htm?section=justin

Only 67 lousy billion dollars per annum? Who can we get to administer the spreading of this largesse, I wonder? Let's ask an Emminent Person, like former Prime Minister of Australia, Malcolm Fraser:

"I reckon that His Excellency President Field-Marshall Robert Mugabe is the One!"

OK, let's see whether Bob wants the job. Bob is well known for his economics, and ability to spend money wisely.

We need to assuage our collective responsibility to these poor Africans, suffering droughts, hurricanes, snow, rising sea levels, melting glaciers, and everything else that we polluters in the West are liable to account for. His Excellency, Mr Mugabe, is an excellent choice to administer the fund!

"Hey, Kuffir! I want a new Mercedes Benz! The old one has seen better days, and if I'm going to be a Big Wheel in distributing the environmental reparations, I need a better image!"

"Just look at what I have to put up with! You Kuffirs just don't appreciate how important image is to a Big Man in Africa!"

"In fact, this old one is so environmentally unsound, I was thinking of trading it in Cousin Obama's "Cash-for-Clumkers" program."

"Can you guys help me out here?"

Let's all get together, and make sure Bob gets the limousine that he really, truly deserves.


Perhaps a hybrid?







I mean, it's only $67 billion. Per year.

The poor of Africa are bearing the brunt of the evil West's profligate burning of fossil fuels, so we really need to get behind this notion of reparations.

$67 billion per year is just small change, when you look at the Wall Street bail-outs. Seriously small change, and I'm almost embarassed to put that into the collection plate this Sunday.

Surely we can band together, and help these climate-dispossessed Africans?

Quelle Horreur! French Wine and Salmon to be wiped out!

In a savage blow to the middle-class and latte-sipping LandCruiser driving Doctor's wives, French wine is likely to be no more due to Global Warming:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/wine/6040419/Best-wines-will-come-from-Scotland-if-climate-change-is-not-stopped-French-chefs-say.html?FORM=ZZNR
In a further climate disaster, billions of red Sockeye Salmon, (a perfect accompanyment to a cheeky French Chardonnay) have literally disappeared. Yep, you guessed it - Global Warming:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/14/2656194.htm?site=news
Not only are the poor and dispossessed having their lifestyles threatened by Global Warming, but so too are the polluters themselves.

Time to wake up! We need to stop climate change now!

What happens when your prayers are answered?

The good burghers of the villages of Fieschertal and Fiesch in the Swiss Alps had a problem in 1678 - their local glacier (the Aletsch Glacier) had grown so large, that it entered a lake, pushed out the water, and caused flooding of their homes.

At that point, they started praying that the Aletsch Glacier would recede, and no longer invade the lake. In 1862, they started holding an annual procession, with all of the enlightened accoutrements (sacrificing virgins, paying the local priests etc), to ensure that the glacier would retreat, and not cause them harm.

It appears that the praying and paying worked out for these villagers, as the Aletsch Glacier has in fact been receding since 1862, as a result of man-made emissions of the death gas, carbon dioxide, from the burning of fossil fuels, which commenced in earnest at approximately that time.

The trouble with prayers, though, is that sometimes they are answered. Like for the Lederhosen-clad folk of Fieschertal and Fiesch, for instance.

Since the inauguration of their annual parade in 1862, the glacier has been shrinking, answering their prayers by Divine Intervention. The burghers have been happy, and continued with their annual God-bothering festival for the last 147 years. However........

It appears that the good burghers have finally realised that their prayers have worked only too well, and now they are seeking an audience with the Pope, for authorisation to change the focus of their annual festival from shrinking the glacier, to praying that it grows.

See link from Reuters.

So, what exactly is going to happen when they meet with Joseph Alois Ratzinger, current occupant of the Papal See, and noted climatologist?

Kaboom is running 29 different political/societal computer models, all of which have various outcomes in terms of the stock market, and the winner of the sixth at Randwick. However, by way of consensus algorithms, Kaboom's models can indeed predict the most likely outcome:

So, as I understand, you have been praying to the Big Fella for 147 years, that this glacier would shrink?

And now, you come to me, seeking permission to change the OUTCOME sought from your prayers, that the glacier does not shrink, but in fact grows. Have I got this part correct?

Hmmmmm...... you do realise, of course, that you villagers have proof positive that prayers can be answered?

OK, look, before I, um.... pontificate on this issue, I've just got to tackle something simple, like, umm... the recent outbreak of The Troubles in Northern Ireland. Let me get back to you, hey?

Bugger that!