Reducing a Carbon Footprint

This week we the World became aware of the sad death of the "Lion of Liberalism", Senator Ted Kennedy.

We are now all saying to each other: "Do you remember where you were when you heard that Kennedy died?"

Whilst we are all grieving, let us not forget Mary Jo Kopechne, who gave up her Carbon Footprint well before it became fashionable, as a 28 year old in 1969.

Had Mary Jo not gifted the world with her martyrdom, and she was still alive 40 years later, she would have exhaled half a kilogram of CO2 per day, every day, a total of 7.3 extra tonnes of CO2.

That is just BREATHING. Let's look at BREEDING, shall we?

Mary Jo, as a rambunctious 28 year old, would no doubt have soon married money (given the circles she moved in), and you would expect that she would have sealed the deal by producing progeny quicker than the Princess of Wales. Plus, she had an absolutely shithouse surname, which brings up all sorts of potential Polack jokes/comments.

Not the same if your surname was "Spencer", or something similar.

No, Mary Jo would have been spitting them out like Guinea-Pigs. From a purely prosiac Catholic perspective (it was the 1960's, after all..) you would have expected her to proginate four or five little Kenn... ahh, sorry, four or five little Kiddies,, in very short order.

So, Mary Jo's sacrifice, in removing herself from the gene-pool permanently, meant that four or five little kiddies weren't exhaling CO2 for the last 40 years. Let's round the savings to 30 tonnes of CO2.

Don't forget, that's just exhalation of breath - we haven't even started on lifestyle carbon footprints!

Ah! The lifestyle! It would have been Camelot, had Mary Jo not ended up as the Lady in the Lake.

Without delving into the sordid carbon detail of the Lifestyles of the Rich and Disgusting, you would certainly have expected the last 40 years to have brought:

1. Above average use of aircraft (although propellor driven aircraft would have been a no-no);

2. Above average use of automobiles, especially the SUV death machine style - indeed, the strength and structural rigidity of the Oldsmobile Delta 88 would have been the precursor of automobile choice;

3. Larger than average homes, in Florida, Hyannis Port, Chappaquiddick, the former Soviet Union, California, Washington, Jamaica and Brazil would have a multiplication effect;

4. Modelling tells us that Mary Jo and each of her 4 children would produce in excess of 45 tonnes of CO2, each, per annum, for the last 40 years, a total of 45x5x40 or 9,000 tonnes of CO2.

Mary Jo, we thank you for your sacrifice. As did the Teddster: